Just over a year ago, I was at one of the lowest points I've experienced in my life. I was in a job I was not suited for, I dreaded going to work every day, and my partner at the time was going through an emotional family trauma. Looking back on it, I believe I was fighting depression for several months. I will never forget sitting in the audience of a beautiful concert, unable to enjoy the music because I was fighting back tears. I was so overwhelmed, depressed, and exhausted. I didn't have a strong partner able to support me, and I dreaded what my life held each and every day. I was not in a good place and I felt entirely alone.
If I reflect back on the entirety of my life, I've only now finally hit the place where I feel like taking care of myself is a priority. One year ago may have been one of my lowest points, but a year before that (or even ten years before that!) I was still just living a life on auto-pilot. I did what was expected of me -- go to college, get a job (any job), make an income. I wasn't passionate about my life. I may not have been depressed, but I also wasn't truly happy.
When I decided to make a change, I first had to confront a lot of my own, well, shit. I had to dig deep to find out where I wanted my life to go. I sat down and I asked myself how I wanted to feel every day. I had always though I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. So I explored that belief, poking and prodding until I understood what about it was so appealing to me: variety, daily human interaction, directly devoting myself to helping another person grow and learn and feel confident. In short, loving someone else. I discovered that I just wanted to spend my life spreading love. This is what I do as a life coach.
Discovering where I wanted to go wasn't enough either. I had to confront what fears and disempowering beliefs I had at the same time. And I didn't do it alone. I read books, blogs, I did my research and I hired help. I got my own coach, and together we broke down my barriers. I realized what I deserved and I refused to allow my life to run on auto-pilot anymore.
I had to take a look at my life without the rose-colored glasses. I wasn't happy. Living just to fulfill the status quo wasn't okay. I firmly believe that self care is about creating a life you don't need to escape from. I would have given anything to escape from my life a year ago. Now I can't wait to meet with my clients, to build a community of professionals and entrepreneurs, to have the time to be outdoors, enjoy my city, and enjoy my friends. I love this life. I am incredibly happy. I thought I knew myself before, but I'm in love with myself now.
What has been your experience with self care? Share with me in the comments below, or join the party on my Instagram and share there: https://www.instagram.com/katrina.widener/
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